Review Date: 1/14/02
Cast: Misty Mundae
I don't believe it. A "Tomb Raider" (2001) knock-off that's even WORSE than "Jewel Raider" (2001). Considerably worse, if you can even fathom that. From the same morons (or geniuses, depending on your point of view) that brought you "Erotic Blair Witch" and "Erotic Survivor" comes this pathetic farce of an action skin flick. Seeing this will actually make you appreciate the drek that Andy Sidaris puts out - how's that for a damning statement? Here's the rundown: fifteen minutes of pointless and painfully stupid exposition, followed by three minutes of embarrassing gun action, followed by fifteen minutes of uninteresting lesbian sex. The end. Shot on video in someone's garage/barn/warehouse, the entire production was probably shot and assembled over the course of a weekend. But it's more than just incompetent sexploitation. If you dig a little deeper, you'll discover that it's actually a cautionary tale about the gullibility of a jaded and undiscerning public. The moral of the story is that any bozo with a video camera and some naked young girls can shoot a piece of crap movie, and people will still pay money to see it. Another underlying theme in the production of the video is the power of marketing, and the filmmakers camp on the expectations of their viewers, rather than the quality of their material. It doesn't matter that it sucks, only that they make a sale. Hell, based on the video packaging I shelled out my $3 to rent it, so who's the real moron? And finally, watching this video only makes me mad that I never had the courage to pursue my own career in filmmaking, and that as a result I have to put up with this kind of filth instead - the rotten fruit borne of the desktop video revolution. This and "Vampire Catholic Schoolgirls From Hell" (1999) are two of the most embarrassing videos I've ever seen. It's unfortunate because the leading lady, Misty Mundae, is quite pretty and telegenic, and should be working in much higher class productions. Unless you like to indulge in new levels of pain and suffering, avoid this video like the plague.