Virgin Assassin (HK 1999)

Rating: *
Review Date: 5/18/00
Cast: Yurika Ohnishi

I normally wouldn't bother reviewing (let alone watching) softcore crap like this, but technically it is a girls 'n' guns film, and we all know how much of a sucker I am for that. Yurika Ohnishi is a Japanese hitwoman who works the streets of Hong Kong. Her special hobby is to sexually arouse her victims right before capping them, usually in the form of a slutty strip tease session. Until the tables get turned, that is... This video has all the structure and coherency of a music video or a softcore Playboy video. It boils down the female assassin formula to just raw erotica, and is nothing more than a series of loosely related "get naked and grind" vignettes. (imagine "The Silencer" with more nudity and no dialog) While conceptually interesting, the execution is downright awful. Like most cheap sexploitation trash, the direction is simplistic, the camerawork is clumsy, and the cinematography is reminiscent of a seventeen year old boy's libido. Ms. Ohnishi is mostly naked for the entire duration of the video, and the assassin angle is only used as an erotic catalyst - she spends more time getting off on her guns than using them for their intended purpose. One particularly amusing sequence has her suggestively stroking the scope of her AR-15 with her cleavage. Yes sir, the gun/penis metaphor goes a long way in this video - it's like high art for the Andy Sidaris crowd. So the bottom line is, if you want to see a naked Japanese woman unconvincingly masturbate with a gun for nearly an hour, you might consider checking this out. Otherwise, it's an offensive waste of time.