Ninja Champion (HK 1986)

Rating: *
Review Date: 3/20/10
Director: Godfrey Ho
Action Director: Philip Ko
Cast: Jack Lam, Nancy Chang, Bruce Baron, cameo by Richard Harrison

Ugh. Another Godfrey Ho disaster. Rose (Nancy Chang?) is raped by a trio of thugs and she swears vengeance. To get close to her enemies, she poses as a diamond smuggler who appears to hide the goods in her breasts. It's hard to tell because a nipple fogging mask covers her entire body when she drops her top. It's all very strange. Her ex-lover George (Jack Lam) is an Interpol agent, and Rose plans to kill him for abandoning her while she was being raped. But George still has feelings for her and helps her in her quest for revenge. George's boss at Interpol is a white guy named Donald (Bruce Baron) who happens to be a ninja on the side. At various points in the film, he shows up to randomly kill some other ninja who are just minding their own business. You can tell they're all ninja because their headbands say "ninja" on them. Eventually, all of the bad guys die, and it's implied that George takes his own life to satisfy Rose's final request. Finally, since none of the film makes any sense whatsoever, the leader of the evil ninja recounts the entire plot to Donald, just before they duke it out to the death.

The film opens with music lifted from "Star Wars" (1977), so you know you're in trouble even before Godfrey Ho's name appears. I think I caught some music from "The Spy Who Loved Me" (1977) as well, but I'm not entirely certain. Pink Floyd also shows up as ambient music. The randomly inserted ninja action scenes are ridiculous and the fight scenes are pretty poor and uninteresting. Rose's preferred method of killing is poison, which she applies to her nipples and lips. It seems like poisonous lipstick would have ill effects on the wearer as well as the recipient, but what do I know? She also suffers from shoe continuity issues as she goes from heels, to bare feet, to slippers, to running shoes all within the same fight scene. She also manages to magically free herself from a pair of handcuffs by rubbing them on a piece of metal. That's a handy trick. Like nearly all of Ho's work, this film is an incomprehensible waste of time.