Thor The Conqueror (Italy 1983)

Rating: *
Review Date: 6/22/18
Cast: Bruno Minniti

"Thor stays here! Thor has food! Thor has female!"

Too bad Thor doesn't have a bigger budget and a decent script. Thor (Bruno Minniti) is the prophesied son of a god who is rescued at birth by some creepy owl sorcerer while his human parents are slaughtered by Gnut The Archer. Some twenty years later, Thor sets out to become the king of warriors, and an opportunity presents itself to get a little revenge as well. He also finds a mate/slave in a handmaiden warrior that he defeats in the wilderness. Naturally, after he kills her sisters and rapes her, she decides that he's actually a pretty awesome guy and willingly dedicates herself to him. The film is a complete disaster and makes no sense whatsoever, and the sorcerer's fumbling attempts to narrate the story actually make it worse. Bruno Minniti is a handsome actor with perfect teeth and an enviable physique, but that's really all the film has going for it.