Hell Squad (1985)

Rating: *
Review Date: 9/19/99
Produced, directed, and written by: Kenneth Hartford
Cast: Bainbridge Scott

"We have less than ten days to transform you from Las Vegas showgirls into expert commando fighters." That quote pretty much sums up the entire film. The U.S. is busy developing a super deadly "ultra-neutron bomb" that wipes out living creatures but leaves structures intact. A group of Arab terrorists want the bomb, so they kidnap the son of a wealthy American ambassador and threaten to kill him if they don't get it. The U.S. government refuses to intervene, so the ambassador hires a team of Las Vegas showgirls to rescue his son. But first, they have to go through about twenty minutes of ridiculous military training. Once the actual mission begins, the girls raid several Arab outposts and celebrate their victories by sharing a giant bubble bath. They do this no less than six times. They finally get the lead they need, and raid a medieval castle matte painting that was borrowed from some low budget fantasy movie. They rescue the ambassador's son, blow the castle to smithereens, make a daring escape aboard an airplane, and make it back to safety in time for their next bubble bath. And they do all of this wearing swimsuits, no less. But nothing can prepare you for the shocking "Scooby Doo" ending when the traitor is finally revealed.

Unbelievably bad. This film is truly pathetic in every sense of the word, and I feel embarrassed for all of the girls that were involved. The film is merely an excuse to film a bunch of cute girls in skimpy outfits, and never tries to be anything other than that. Not that I have anything against filming cute girls, but if you decide to do that, you've at least got to make the characters likable and interesting. A couple of the girls could throw a decent punch or kick, but the entire tone is just wrong. A jaw dropping testament to bad movie making in the 1980's.