Sexy Rangers (Japan 2008)

Rating: *
Review Date: 2/2/14

"Pai Energy. It is the strong life force from the bountiful breasts of women that purifies and occupies the burning lineage of men. An inexhaustible supply of energy in a critical ecosystem. Fighting evil with its strength are five girls who save the world. They are..."


Seriously. That's the opening voiceover in the film. So what we've got is a sentai parody that features a team of cute young girls who use their big breast energy to battle monsters from the Muscle Kingdom. And how do they re-energize their breast energy after a long and exhausting fight? By donning bikinis and playing at the beach, of course! Apparently, their breasts absorb energy by having teenage boys ogle them, and there's certainly no shortage of those. When things get extra tough, the Sexy Rangers call on their giant Sexy Ranger Robo to help out, which can summon a powerful Big Breast Sword and perform the nigh invincible Big Breast Dissection maneuver, which cuts their enemies in half. Seriously. You may think I'm joking, but I'm not.

Everything about this production is awful, and even the cute girls weren't enough to hold my interest. Their performances are so lifeless and the action scenes are so pathetic that I just felt embarrassed for them. Aoi (Blue Ranger) is probably the cutest of the bunch and her acting and fighting are considerably better than the others, but that's not saying much. Unfortunately, she also wears really hideous eye makeup. The visual effects are terrible, and the monster suits are on par with other low budget "giant robot vs. space monsters" sentai shows. It tries to take itself seriously, but it's not even campy enough to consider it a guilty pleasure. The most entertaining aspect is the mind blowing dialog, which includes the following gems:

"You've got heavy breasts, but you're surprisingly fast."
"The two swellings on my chest are love fruits that defeat evil."
"Using your daughter's breasts for research is perverted."
"The genuine longing by men for women's breasts generates Pai Energy. It doesn't respond to evil hearts."