The Pearl Of Oriental (HK 1993)

Rating: **
Review Date: 8/18/12
Cast: Tang Chen Yie, Chen Feng Chi, Da Yu Li Nai, Melvin Wong

Wow, where do I begin? I have never seen a Hong Kong film like this before, and the amount of kinky sex and full frontal nudity is shocking. So are the unexpected masturbation and castration scenes. This is pretty much the closest thing I've seen to a HK porn film. The blatantly false advertising is also shocking, as the film was advertised with a baffling picture of five girls with guns who have nothing at all to do with the movie. In fact, there's no female action element at all, which makes you wonder how this marketing collateral ever came about.

Anyway, it's an aimless story about a slimy and ambitious businessman named Tony (Tang Chen Yie) who tries to seduce his way into inheriting Helen's horse training farm. His appetite for women is insatiable, as he sleeps with both Helen (Da Yu Li Nai) and her adorable daughter Sandy (Chen Feng Chi), and likes to play shockingly graphic S&M sex games on his private yacht. Melvin Wong is another slimy businessman who tries to buy out Helen's controlling shares in the Lo company by stealing Helen's champion horse Lucky and blackmailing her with incriminating photos of her and Tony. The film doesn't really go anywhere, but after getting repeatedly beaten and shot, Tony eventually gets what's coming to him.

It's pretty much pure trash, but the acting is decent, the production values are quite high, and the film takes itself extremely seriously. The action scenes are pretty poor and the fight choreography is sub-par. The sex scenes are excruciatingly long and uninteresting, and punctuated by bizarre cut-aways of birds and stuffed animals. My mind is still reeling...

Collector's Note: It's an extremely rare and difficult film to track down, and I was fooled by its "girls with guns" packaging. The nonsensical title is also anyone's guess. Information is conflicting and scarce, and numerous Internet resources cite that the film was released internationally under the equally misleading title, "Naked Assassins." However, further research into that leads me to believe that "Naked Assassins" is actually being confused with Ching Siu Tung's "Naked Weapon" (2002). Regardless, now that I've seen it, it's not worth wasting any more brain power on.