Ninja: The Protector (HK 1986)

Rating: *
Review Date: 3/16/10
Director: Godfrey Ho
Cast: Richard Harrison, Philip Ko

Ugh. More ninja awfulness from mix-and-match master Godfrey Ho. This time he's mixed a Hong Kong drama about a male model named Warren Lee with some ridiculous ninja footage featuring Richard Harrison. Supposedly, Warren Lee is an undercover Interpol agent investigating a counterfeit money operation, and Harrison occasionally dons a camouflage ninja outfit to take out members of the counterfeiting ring (who also happen to be ninja). The climax of the film pits Harrison against the leader of the evil ninja in a super lame motorcycle jousting competition. Utterly ridiculous. After defeating the villain, Harrison states "I am the champion of the ninjas" and walks offscreen. Really? Wow... The only part of the film worth noting is an all too brief cameo by kung fu veteran Philip Ko. The film is also sprinkled with several scenes of softcore porn, which are just as baffling and out of place as the ninja scenes. But my favorite bit by far is when one of Harrison's dopey agents asks him "What's a ninja?" Well, from what I can tell, they're just people who dress in black, wear lots of black eyeliner, and find cartwheels to be the quickest and most efficient way to get from one place to another. In keeping with its low budget roots, the soundtrack features music lifted from "Tron" (1982) and Pink Floyd. And last but not least, Jackie Chan is listed in the credits, which is clearly a lie. Definitely a film to avoid.