Minisuka Police (Japan 2004)

Rating: **
Review Date: 3/12/05

Wow. Even though I've been a fan of Japan's Minisuka (miniskirt) Police for years, I've never really known what they were all about. I've got books, games, videos, CDs, and trading cards featuring girls in the trademark uniform, but never knew who they were or where they came from. Now I'm a bit better informed. For the first time on DVD (I think), a 10-disc box set is available which compiles the highlights of the Minisuka Police all the way back to 1996. As best as I can tell, "Minisuka Police" is a late night T&A television show hosted by a group of cute young women in sexy miniskirt police uniforms. The entire focus of the show revolves around panty and cleavage shots, and the ingenious methods of getting said footage. There are often embarrassing competitions, and several male sidekicks are available to add to the overall humiliation. The production quality is typically awful, but with a show like this, content is all that matters.

Watching these discs is like watching a train wreck - I can't avert my eyes from horrors that play out, and I find myself morbidly fascinated and perversely thrilled with the proceedings. Time for therapy, perhaps? Since everything is in Japanese and mired in Japanese culture, enjoyment of the Minisuka Police will boil down to how easily you're offended by the exploitive treatment of women and how much you can endure the chirpy enthusiasm of the girls on the show. While it's definitely exploitive in nature, the treatment is voyeuristic and often playfully naive, offering imaginative teasing glimpses instead of the raw, in-your-face treatment that American productions have to offer. There is no nudity, and the primary focus is on swimsuits, lingerie, and of course, short skirts. Having said all of this, it's difficult to review this collection, so I'm just going to provide a brief synopsis of the whole thing.

Disc 1 - 1996
Cast: Tamao Sato, Riko Fukuyama, Mari Asahina
The three girls are naturally adorable, but the diminutive Tamao Sato rises above the rest with her cheerful enthusiasm and pleasant demeanor. This first season of the show also features black uniforms instead of the more well known blue uniforms. I actually like the black outfits much more, but like most black clothing, they're difficult to photograph. The highlight of this disc would have to be a racing competition, where drivers would speed past a couple of girls and get scored by how high they made the girls' skirts fly up. Astonishing. The drivers are also quite entertaining, and one guy's "shifting glove" was just utterly ridiculous. Here's a guy who takes himself WAY too seriously.

Disc 2 - 1997
Cast: Akane Kanazawa, Mie Nanamori, Rika Ikeda, Maika Ikemoto
Miniskirt madness continues, as the classic blue vinyl uniform is introduced to the series. I have some familiarity with with these girls, as they were featured in the Saturn "Minisuka Police" (1997) video game. Mie Nanamori is utterly adorable and seems to be the leader of the gang, while Akane Kanazawa wears a different uniform and appears to be an intern of some kind. Highlights from this disc include watching a girl's legs fly apart while bouncing up and down in a low-rider (which is also a featured mini-game in the video game), and a competition to drive a camera-equipped remote controlled car through the open legs of a mini-skirted girl. A variation on this theme includes trying to walk a dog through a girl's open legs with a camera strapped to its back. This disc also delves into unpleasant territory as the girls are humiliated by a judo master, who hurts Mie and makes Maika break down in tears. Very difficult to watch and not entertaining in the slightest.

Disc 3 - 1997
Cast: Kaori Ohara, Mie Nanamori, Tomomi Miyauchi, Chinatsu Yoshinaga, Meri Mishou
Mie Nanamori returns in a peripheral role as four new Minisuka Police are introduced. Cute Tomomi Miyauchi appears to be the ringleader, while tall Chinatsu Yoshinaga offers leggy panty shots and H-cup Kaori Ohara shows off her ample talents. The disc starts out on a sour note with awful video quality and a segment that humiliates our miniskirted heroines by having them attempt to catch a snake and an iguana inside of a house. Lots of jumping, screaming, and crying ensues. The next segment is another "panchira" competition where the cameraman tries to get as much panty exposure as possible while the girls are walking up a flight of stairs. Things finally pick up speed in the final episode and the bonus materials, which all feature the charismatic Kaori Ohara competing with other large breasted women to pop buttons off of their shirts, with amazing results. At one point she loses her champion status, and is forced to go into training at a secluded temple with an aged kendo master. Huh?!? Wacky beyond words. There's also a bizarre bit with a mosquito cut-out taped to the front of the camera.

Disc 4 - 1997
Cast: Kaori Ohara, Mie Nanamori, Chinatsu Yoshinaga, Meri Mishou
This is easily the most lighthearted and entertaining disc out of the collection so far. The first segment simply features Kaori Ohara pestering the driver of an illegally parked car, which is instantly forgettable. The second segment is slightly more amusing, involving a baseball competition where costumes are batted into a group of girls who have to catch them and try them on. Very silly, but highly enjoyable. The third segment, however, is an amazing elimination competition between four Minisuka Police girls and four other cuties. The events include a soccer-like scoring game, a button-busting competition (naturally featuring Ms. Ohara), a strip badminton game (!!!), and a tug-of-war where the girls get pulled over a camera that's pointed up their skirts. The four winners then compete by pretending to take a shower with a video camera instead of a shower head. Bizarre... Then the final showdown is a water gun shootout between two girls with targets on their breasts and their butts. Very amusing. Anyway, the proceedings are all very fun, and the girls are very cute and playfully enthusiastic.

Disc 5 - 1998
Cast: Atsuko Kurusu, Yuka Matsui, Maka Tanaka, Ryoko Sawaki, Miyuki Fujimori
My first experience with the Minisuka Police was a photobook called "Minisuka Police In Saipan" featuring this cast. Cute and enthusiastic Atsuko Kurusu is the ringleader, whose only flaw is her crooked teeth. While Yuka Matsui isn't the most photogenic in still shots, she's utterly spellbinding to watch in motion. Wow. While all of the girls are cute and playful, Kaori Ohara's charismatic charm and wit are sorely missed. This season adds an interesting hypnotism angle, making all of the panty shot victims come across as completely naive and oblivious to what's going on, and adding an even more perverse sense of voyeurism. The first episode features the girls trying to excite a group of homosexuals with strip teases and erotic poses. What the hell?!? It took me a while to figure out what was going on. The next episode introduces a guy who hypnotizes two attractive women and makes them do embarrassing things, including masturbating to the vibrations of a car in motion. Whoa. The police officers also come up with new ways to lift a girl's skirt, such as a hitting a baseball on a rope, air pressure from boxing gloves, and water rockets. But the most perverse thing is watching a trio of musicians blow their horns up a woman's skirt. Astonishing... The final episode features more hypnotic silliness and underwear flashing, with a completely inexplicable "nude vision" filter that applies a digital mosaic to the women onscreen, even though they're clothed. Huh? A bonus music video is also included, which is fun and silly. This is also the first disc that I've recognized some of the music, which includes Bang Tango, "Mothra" (1996), and possibly "Record Of The Lodoss War."

Disc 6 - 1999
Cast: Saya Mochizuki, Yumi Kurusu, Megumi Asakura
Ah yes, my dear sweet Megumi... This disc is certainly one of the strangest in the collection, which is saying quite a bit. The first episode features Megumi Asakura and another girl promoting their own video releases, and then engaging in various competitions including breast jiggling, milk drinking, and bicycle riding. The next episode consists of a bunch of girls competing in a cleavage tug of war, which is fairly bizarre. The final episode is the strangest of all, where adorable Saya Mochizuki is strapped to a cross while two martial arts masters try to protect her from an onslaught of young martial arts students whose goal is to lift her skirt and see what color panties she's wearing. And they do this over and over to music from "The Mummy" (1999). The bonus materials get even weirder, and focus on Yumi Kurusu's large chest. For whatever reasons, they put her in all sorts of bizarre two-piece swimsuits made of bowls, fruit, silverware, starfish, flower pots, and kleenex boxes. Huh?!? While Saya is super cute, my heart belongs to Megumi. While she's definitely comfortable and charismatic in her role, you get the impression that she's not really into it, and is merely using the show as a springboard for her music career.

Disc 7 - 2000
Cast: Naoko Himejima, Marumi Ogawa, Rina Fujimiya, Urara Minami
The new cast is rather unattractive and all have their hair dyed orange, which was the trend at the time. However, they must have had a mid-season replacement, as an entirely different set of girls dominates the disc. Episode one features the listed cast engaged in a straight forward panty shot tug of war. At this point I have to mention that almost all of the episodes I've seen have been shot in cold weather, and the cast is always shivering. I wonder if this is on purpose? Episode two takes place at a water park and is an audition for new officers, although the existing officers also appear to be completely new. The main girl is unbelievably adorable, but I never could get her name. Five finalists are chosen, and they become the new cast. The final episode focuses on two officers (one really cute one and one with an enormous chest) who are busting litterbugs and people who are illegally parked. Apart from the humiliation of being caught on camera, the punishment for these acts is to be slapped in the face by the breasts of the large chested girl. Interestingly enough, all of the victims happen to be female, which adds an additional layer of innocence and perversion. While it's gut bustingly funny the first time it happens, it quickly loses its appeal after multiple iterations.

Disc 8 - 2001
Cast: Rui Miyamae, Chika Aoyama, Mayuko Hattori, Tomoe Shimoyama, Miyuu Mori
So far, this is the most uncomfortable disc of the bunch. I hope they don't get any worse. This disc starts off with a nice opening, followed by a terrible episode that features a prank getting out of hand. From what I can tell, two Minisuka Police officers go "undercover" for a sting operation that involves getting picked up by some random guys on the street. When the other officers arrive to "make the bust," the guys turn out to be rather violent and none too pleasant. They hit the girls, attack the camera crew, and cause general mayhem. This results in the girls crying and the production crew frantically apologizing to the hoodlums. Very unpleasant. The second episode isn't much better, as the two male officers barge into an apartment at 4:30am to wake up two of the female officers, and then proceed to rifle through all of their undergarments while the girls are trying to wake up and get dressed. Nasty. The final episodes returns the series back to the basics in a controlled environment, with the "Bust Royale." A group of girls with cup sizes between A and J compete in various events to become honorary Minisuka Police (I think). The events include trying on t-shirts (?), doing push-ups over a sponge (?), and a bizarre strength test where the girls try to pull a cart with a strap of cellophane wrapped around their chests. Very odd. The final stage turns the tables a bit, with one of the male officers dressed in the miniskirt uniform, and the girls have to push their way through his legs with a camera mounted on their heads. Now THAT is funny. C-cup and E-cup are definitely the cutest of the bunch, and E-cup even plays the piano with her breasts. Most impressive.

Disc 9 - 2002
Cast: Rui Miyamae, Kana Hoshino
This season features no less than fourteen Minisuka Police officers, with exuberant Rui Miyamae returning from the previous year. Unfortunately, the rest of the cast pictures are too small to identify anyone else, so I'm at a bit of a loss for the rest of the cast. All I know is that Rui Miyamae and Kana Hoshino are really cute. For the first episode, five of the girls get walking lessons from an etiquette expert, and then they all make surprise house calls on lucky fans of the show. Not surprisingly, the victims are all rather nerdy, and one of the girls totally breaks down before doing her routine. To offset this horrific discomfort and awkwardness, one of the guys decides to take her place with an utterly hilarious strip tease of his own. That's probably the highlight of the entire disc. Episode two features a breast competition between two swimsuit models involving jumping rope and a totally wacky breast version of rock-paper-scissors. Only the Japanese could come up with something like this... The final episode features another undercover operation like in disc 8, with two of the girls trying to lure out panty peeking perverts. They grab one and start ridiculing him on camera, and then he turns violent and gets hauled away by a couple of guys. Very uncomfortable to watch. But then he returns in what appears to be a reverse setup. Anyway, the whole thing shook up the girls quite a bit and is generally unpleasant.

Disc 10 - 2003
Cast: Rui Miyamae, Kana Hoshino, Yumi Kobayashi, Ayuri Iisaku, Aiko Hirayama, Iria Nagahama, Maya Saito
Whew! I finally made it through the whole set! The final disc in the series is one of the most playful ones in the collection, with exuberant cuties Rui Miyamae and Kana Hoshino returning for the first episode. In one of the most perversely humorous things I've ever seen, this episode features the girls approaching random women at a water park and then fondling their breasts. The embarrassment is all too tangible, but they all handle it with flair. The next episode features a competition between five of the officers with events including holding your breath (the winner was 90 seconds!), limbo, sit-ups, splits, and beach ball inflation (???). Petite blonde Maya Saito won a trip to a resort, while adorable Yumi Kobayashi won a bizarre nu-bra which she had to model for the audience. The last episode is all about Yumi, as she gets posing lessons from two photobook models and gets as naked and suggestive as possible for TV. Holy cow... The episode ends quite abruptly with a voiceover, making me wonder if something unfortunate happened to her. The bonus feature is a fascinating competition between the limber and overly sensitive Ayuri Iisaku and a flexible photobook model. They had to lift their legs over their heads and balance water dishes on their feet, followed by a long sock tug-of-war, and climaxing with an amazing display of hula-hoop skills. The winning throw is literally unbelievable. Overall, not a bad way to wrap up the series.