Rating: **
Review Date: 3/12/05
Wow. Even though I've been a fan of Japan's Minisuka (miniskirt) Police for years, I've never really known what they were all about. I've got books, games, videos, CDs, and trading cards featuring girls in the trademark uniform, but never knew who they were or where they came from. Now I'm a bit better informed. For the first time on DVD (I think), a 10-disc box set is available which compiles the highlights of the Minisuka Police all the way back to 1996. As best as I can tell, "Minisuka Police" is a late night T&A television show hosted by a group of cute young women in sexy miniskirt police uniforms. The entire focus of the show revolves around panty and cleavage shots, and the ingenious methods of getting said footage. There are often embarrassing competitions, and several male sidekicks are available to add to the overall humiliation. The production quality is typically awful, but with a show like this, content is all that matters.
Watching these discs is like watching a train wreck - I can't avert my eyes from horrors that play out, and I find myself morbidly fascinated and perversely thrilled with the proceedings. Time for therapy, perhaps? Since everything is in Japanese and mired in Japanese culture, enjoyment of the Minisuka Police will boil down to how easily you're offended by the exploitive treatment of women and how much you can endure the chirpy enthusiasm of the girls on the show. While it's definitely exploitive in nature, the treatment is voyeuristic and often playfully naive, offering imaginative teasing glimpses instead of the raw, in-your-face treatment that American productions have to offer. There is no nudity, and the primary focus is on swimsuits, lingerie, and of course, short skirts. Having said all of this, it's difficult to review this collection, so I'm just going to provide a brief synopsis of the whole thing.
Disc 1 - 1996
Cast: Tamao Sato, Riko Fukuyama, Mari Asahina
The three girls are naturally adorable, but the diminutive Tamao Sato rises above
the rest with her cheerful enthusiasm and pleasant demeanor. This first season of
the show also features black uniforms instead of the more well known blue uniforms.
I actually like the black outfits much more, but like most black clothing, they're
difficult to photograph. The highlight of this disc would have to be a racing
competition, where drivers would speed past a couple of girls and get scored by
how high they made the girls' skirts fly up. Astonishing. The drivers are also
quite entertaining, and one guy's "shifting glove" was just utterly ridiculous.
Here's a guy who takes himself WAY too seriously.
Disc 2 - 1997
Cast: Akane Kanazawa, Mie Nanamori, Rika Ikeda, Maika Ikemoto
Miniskirt madness continues, as the classic blue vinyl uniform is introduced
to the series. I have some familiarity with with these girls, as they were
featured in the Saturn
"Minisuka Police"
(1997) video game. Mie Nanamori is utterly
adorable and seems to be the leader of the gang, while Akane Kanazawa wears a
different uniform and appears to be an intern of some kind. Highlights from
this disc include watching a girl's legs fly apart while bouncing up and
down in a low-rider (which is also a featured mini-game in the video game),
and a competition to drive a camera-equipped remote controlled car through
the open legs of a mini-skirted girl. A variation on this theme includes
trying to walk a dog through a girl's open legs with a camera strapped to
its back. This disc also delves into unpleasant territory as the girls are
humiliated by a judo master, who hurts Mie and makes Maika break down in tears.
Very difficult to watch and not entertaining in the slightest.
Disc 3 - 1997
Cast: Kaori Ohara, Mie Nanamori, Tomomi Miyauchi, Chinatsu Yoshinaga,
Meri Mishou
Mie Nanamori returns in a peripheral role as four new Minisuka Police are
introduced. Cute Tomomi Miyauchi appears to be the ringleader, while tall
Chinatsu Yoshinaga offers leggy panty shots and H-cup Kaori Ohara shows off
her ample talents. The disc starts out on a sour note with awful video quality
and a segment that humiliates our miniskirted heroines by having them attempt
to catch a snake and an iguana inside of a house. Lots of jumping, screaming,
and crying ensues.
The next segment is another "panchira" competition where the cameraman tries
to get as much panty exposure as possible while the girls are walking up a
flight of stairs. Things finally pick up speed in the final episode and the
bonus materials, which all feature the charismatic Kaori Ohara competing with
other large breasted women to pop buttons off of their shirts, with amazing
results. At one point she loses her champion status, and is forced to go
into training at a secluded temple with an aged kendo master. Huh?!? Wacky
beyond words. There's also a bizarre bit with a mosquito cut-out taped to the
front of the camera.
Disc 4 - 1997
Cast: Kaori Ohara, Mie Nanamori, Chinatsu Yoshinaga, Meri Mishou
This is easily the most lighthearted and entertaining disc out of the collection
so far. The first segment simply features Kaori Ohara pestering the driver of
an illegally parked car, which is instantly forgettable. The second segment is
slightly more amusing, involving a baseball competition where costumes are batted
into a group of girls who have to catch them and try them on. Very silly, but
highly enjoyable. The third segment, however, is an amazing elimination competition
between four Minisuka Police girls and four other cuties. The events include
a soccer-like scoring game, a button-busting competition (naturally featuring
Ms. Ohara), a strip badminton game (!!!), and a tug-of-war where the girls get
pulled over a camera that's pointed up their skirts. The four winners then compete
by pretending to take a shower with a video camera instead of a shower head.
Bizarre... Then the final showdown is a water gun shootout between two girls with
targets on their breasts and their butts. Very amusing. Anyway, the proceedings
are all very fun, and the girls are very cute and playfully enthusiastic.
Disc 5 - 1998
Cast: Atsuko Kurusu, Yuka Matsui, Maka Tanaka, Ryoko Sawaki, Miyuki Fujimori
My first experience with the Minisuka Police was a photobook called "Minisuka Police
In Saipan" featuring this cast. Cute and enthusiastic Atsuko Kurusu is the ringleader,
whose only flaw is her crooked teeth. While Yuka Matsui isn't the most photogenic
in still shots, she's utterly spellbinding to watch in motion. Wow. While all of
the girls are cute and playful, Kaori Ohara's charismatic charm and wit are sorely missed.
This season adds an interesting hypnotism angle, making all of the panty shot victims
come across as completely naive and oblivious to what's going on, and adding an
even more perverse sense of voyeurism. The first episode features the girls trying
to excite a group of homosexuals with strip teases and erotic poses. What the hell?!?
It took me a while to figure out what was going on. The next episode introduces a
guy who hypnotizes two attractive women and makes them do embarrassing things,
including masturbating to the vibrations of a car in motion. Whoa. The police
officers also come up with new ways to lift a girl's skirt, such as a hitting a
baseball on a rope, air pressure from boxing gloves, and water rockets. But the most
perverse thing is watching a trio of musicians blow their horns up a woman's skirt.
Astonishing... The final episode features more hypnotic silliness and underwear
flashing, with a completely inexplicable "nude vision" filter that applies a digital
mosaic to the women onscreen, even though they're clothed. Huh? A bonus music video
is also included, which is fun and silly. This is also the first disc that I've
recognized some of the music, which includes Bang Tango,
"Mothra" (1996), and possibly
"Record Of The Lodoss War."
Disc 6 - 1999
Cast: Saya Mochizuki, Yumi Kurusu, Megumi Asakura
Ah yes, my dear sweet Megumi... This disc is certainly one of the strangest in
the collection, which is saying quite a bit. The first episode features Megumi
Asakura and another girl promoting their own video releases, and then engaging
in various competitions including breast jiggling, milk drinking, and bicycle
riding. The next episode consists of a bunch of girls competing in a cleavage
tug of war, which is fairly bizarre. The final episode is the strangest of all,
where adorable Saya Mochizuki is strapped to a cross while two martial arts
masters try to protect her from an onslaught of young martial arts students whose
goal is to lift her skirt and see what color panties she's wearing. And they
do this over and over to music from
"The Mummy" (1999).
The bonus materials get even
weirder, and focus on Yumi Kurusu's large chest. For whatever reasons, they put
her in all sorts of bizarre two-piece swimsuits made of bowls, fruit, silverware,
starfish, flower pots, and kleenex boxes. Huh?!? While Saya is super cute, my
heart belongs to Megumi. While she's definitely comfortable and charismatic in
her role, you get the impression that she's not really into it, and is merely
using the show as a springboard for her music career.
Disc 7 - 2000
Cast: Naoko Himejima, Marumi Ogawa, Rina Fujimiya, Urara Minami
The new cast is rather unattractive and all have their hair dyed orange, which
was the trend at the time. However, they must have had a mid-season replacement,
as an entirely different set of girls dominates the disc. Episode one features
the listed cast engaged in a straight forward panty shot tug of war. At this
point I have to mention that almost all of the episodes I've seen have been shot
in cold weather, and the cast is always shivering. I wonder if this is on purpose?
Episode two takes place at a water park and is an audition for new officers,
although the existing officers also appear to be completely new.
The main girl is unbelievably adorable, but I never could get her name. Five
finalists are chosen, and they become the new cast. The final episode focuses
on two officers (one really cute one and one with an enormous chest) who are
busting litterbugs and people who are illegally parked. Apart from the humiliation
of being caught on camera, the punishment for these acts is to be slapped in the
face by the breasts of the large chested girl. Interestingly enough, all of the
victims happen to be female, which adds an additional layer of innocence and
perversion. While it's gut bustingly funny the first time it happens, it
quickly loses its appeal after multiple iterations.
Disc 8 - 2001
Cast: Rui Miyamae, Chika Aoyama, Mayuko Hattori, Tomoe Shimoyama,
Miyuu Mori
So far, this is the most uncomfortable disc of the bunch. I hope they don't
get any worse. This disc starts off with a nice opening, followed by a terrible
episode that features a prank getting out of hand. From what I can tell, two
Minisuka Police officers go "undercover" for a sting operation that involves
getting picked up by some random guys on the street. When the other officers
arrive to "make the bust," the guys turn out to be rather violent and none too
pleasant. They hit the girls, attack the camera crew, and cause general mayhem.
This results in the girls crying and the production crew frantically apologizing
to the hoodlums. Very unpleasant. The second episode isn't much better, as the
two male officers barge into an apartment at 4:30am to wake up two of the female
officers, and then proceed to rifle through all of their undergarments while
the girls are trying to wake up and get dressed. Nasty. The final episodes
returns the series back to the basics in a controlled environment, with the
"Bust Royale." A group of girls with cup sizes between A and J compete in
various events to become honorary Minisuka Police (I think). The events include
trying on t-shirts (?), doing push-ups over a sponge (?), and a bizarre strength
test where the girls try to pull a cart with a strap of cellophane wrapped around
their chests. Very odd. The final stage turns the tables a bit, with one of
the male officers dressed in the miniskirt uniform, and the girls have to
push their way through his legs with a camera mounted on their heads. Now THAT
is funny. C-cup and E-cup are definitely the cutest of the bunch, and E-cup
even plays the piano with her breasts. Most impressive.
Disc 9 - 2002
Cast: Rui Miyamae, Kana Hoshino
This season features no less than fourteen Minisuka Police officers, with
exuberant Rui Miyamae returning from the previous year. Unfortunately, the
rest of the cast pictures are too small to identify anyone else, so I'm at a bit
of a loss for the rest of the cast. All I know is that Rui Miyamae and Kana
Hoshino are really cute. For the first episode, five of
the girls get walking lessons from an etiquette expert, and then they all make
surprise house calls on lucky fans of the show. Not surprisingly, the victims
are all rather nerdy, and one of the girls totally breaks down before doing her
routine. To offset this horrific discomfort and awkwardness, one of the guys
decides to take her place with an utterly hilarious strip tease of his own.
That's probably the highlight of the entire disc. Episode two features a breast
competition between two swimsuit models involving jumping rope and a totally
wacky breast version of rock-paper-scissors. Only the Japanese could come up
with something like this... The final episode features another undercover
operation like in disc 8, with two of the girls trying to lure out panty peeking
perverts. They grab one and start ridiculing him on camera, and then he turns
violent and gets hauled away by a couple of guys. Very uncomfortable to watch.
But then he returns in what appears to be a reverse setup. Anyway, the whole
thing shook up the girls quite a bit and is generally unpleasant.
Disc 10 - 2003
Cast: Rui Miyamae, Kana Hoshino, Yumi Kobayashi, Ayuri Iisaku,
Aiko Hirayama, Iria Nagahama, Maya Saito
Whew! I finally made it through the whole set! The final disc in the series
is one of the most playful ones in the collection, with exuberant cuties Rui Miyamae
and Kana Hoshino returning for the first episode. In one of the most perversely
humorous things I've ever seen, this episode features the girls approaching
random women at a water park and then fondling their breasts. The embarrassment
is all too tangible, but they all handle it with flair. The next episode features
a competition between five of the officers with events including holding your
breath (the winner was 90 seconds!), limbo, sit-ups, splits, and beach ball
inflation (???). Petite blonde Maya Saito won a trip to a resort, while adorable
Yumi Kobayashi won a bizarre nu-bra which she had to model for the audience. The
last episode is all about Yumi, as she gets posing lessons from two photobook
models and gets as naked and suggestive as possible for TV. Holy cow... The
episode ends quite abruptly with a voiceover, making me wonder if something
unfortunate happened to her.
The bonus feature is a fascinating competition between the limber and
overly sensitive Ayuri Iisaku and a flexible photobook model. They had to lift
their legs over their heads and balance water dishes on their feet, followed by
a long sock tug-of-war, and climaxing with an amazing display of hula-hoop
skills. The winning throw is literally unbelievable. Overall, not a bad way
to wrap up the series.