Rating: **
Review Date: 5/11/24
Cast: Ken Takakura, Pouri Baneai, Tahere Ghaffari
Based on the popular manga, Golgo 13 (Ken Takakura) is a tough and notorious assassin for hire. He accepts a contract to kill an Iranian crime boss named Max Boa, who deals in drugs, weapons, and human trafficking. Catherine Norton (Pouri Baneai) is assigned to work with him under the guise of being his wife, but he wants nothing to do with her. While initially disgusted with the idea of working with a cold-blooded killer, Catherine immediately falls for his rugged and irresistible masculinity, and insists on performing her wife role to the fullest in order to be as convincing as possible. (ahem) Naturally, Boa is an extremely slippery target and has several body doubles working for him, so no one knows what he actually looks like. But cleverness and persistence finally pay off, and Golgo gets his man with one of the funniest and most shocking punchlines I've ever seen.
With high production values and gorgeous location shooting in Iran, the film works better as a travelogue than an action picture. Ken Takakura (looking like a Japanese Andy Lau) gives an excellent performance as the cold and stoic Golgo, but behind his smoldering eyes, he's just a little too cold, and barely exhibits any human qualities. He's a professional killer to the core, and has no qualms with sacrificing innocents to achieve his goal. That makes him a good asset, but not an endearing one. There's only one time where he shows a hint of compassion and allows his conscience to creep in, but he doesn't let it compromise his mission. Pouri Baneai is pretty and does a good job as Golgo's dedicated partner, but it's Boa's assistant, Yvonne (Tahere Ghaffari), who ended up stealing my heart, despite her hideous green eye shadow.
Unfortunately, the film is glacially slow and the action is sparse and limp. What's worse is that the continuity is laughably off, and the damage on Golgo's car changes from scene to scene. Tires inexplicably squeal while driving in the desert sand and cars explode for no particular reason. Then there's the classic trick of a helicopter flying behind a mountain with an accompanying explosion in the foreground. Even more absurd is a scene where a guy drops grenades out of a helicopter, and they explode about 50 feet away from where they were dropped. Golgo himself is impossibly durable and is able to function perfectly after having his back cut to ribbons during a torture session. He finally comes close to dying while wandering in the desert for several days (?), but is still able to make a kill shot from about a mile away, and then afterwards he walks away as if he were perfectly fine and not about to drop from exhaustion, fever, and dehydration. A man's man, if there ever was one.
While it's a beautifully shot and decently made film, it fails to be entertaining and the sluggish pacing really hurts it. The lifeless Golgo is like a Japanese James Bond, except without any charm, swagger, or government affiliation. Not surprisingly, a strong current of misogyny runs throughout the film to highlight Golgo's raw masculinity, and as Catherine points out, "Women are just lubricating oil to your killing machine."