Cool Dimension (Japan 2006)

Rating: *
Review Date: 9/24/06
Cast: Yoko Mitsuya, Mitsuho Ohtani, Mika Shigeizumi, Yuka Ohnishi(?)

Shiori (Yoko Mitsuya), Mika (Mitsuho Ohtani), and Junko (Mika Shigeizumi) are three female assassins who wear matching leather biker outfits and colored contacts. They all work for some shifty guy in a demolished building who has some sort of physical or psychological sway over them. Shiori's latest assignment finds her working undercover as a news reporter in order to track down her quarry and obtain some vital information from him. Unfortunately, there's a traitor in the ranks and the whole mission goes to hell.

Apart from the fact that the girls are very cute, this direct to video atrocity is terrible in every regard. The version I saw had no English subtitles so I couldn't figure out the details of the story, but the execution is so awful that I don't think it would have made a difference. The nonsensical title of the film just further supports my suspicions. The cinematography and editing are terrible, and on par with a low budget high school project. The action scenes are incredibly weak, and even more offensive in that the girls are all doubled by glaringly obvious stuntmen in drag. What's the point in making a female action film if the women aren't even featured in the action scenes? There are a couple of decent hits and some nice posturing here and there, but nothing that can redeem this incoherent mess. The actresses themselves are actually swimsuit models, and their delivery tends to be stiff and emotionally flat. However, it's hard to blame them given the material that they're working with. The digital visual effects are also extremely lame, and for the most part are completely unnecessary. Digital rain? What's the point if nothing looks wet? The physical effects don't fare any better, and bullet hits don't leave any physical evidence of their presence, forcing the viewer to pretend that someone or something just got shot. By far the most ridiculous effect is that when the girls stop and strike a pose, a small blast of air from off camera is blown in their faces to reposition any stray hairs. Completely absurd. It's best to just admire the box art and leave this one on the shelf.